Monday, 26 December 2016

聖誕節

聖誕節是個很矛盾的節日,因為也是我爸的生日。

還在上幼稚園小班的時候,那年聖誕節快到了,老師發了小小的聖誕卡片給幾位平常乖巧的同學,讓他們回去寫了再交給老師以作為佈置教室的材料。看著班上幾位上課常常很安靜的同學都有拿到卡片,而課堂表現不錯的我卻沒有,心裡覺得不是滋味。

我也想不明白5歲的我怎麼已學會嫉妒跟不甘了。

隔天早上我鬧脾氣了,哭著怎麼樣也不想去上學...第一天獨自上學的時候我沒哭,那天卻這樣鬧,讓我的父母都不知所措。我也忘了是誰問出了原因,然後我媽就答應我說,爸爸會拿聖誕卡片給我。雖然還是心不甘情不願,但我終究乖乖上學去了...印象中我媽也有向老師投訴,老師好像也有向我道歉,其實我也忘得差不多了...

但我記得那天回家,看到家裡客廳的電視機上有很多卡片,藍色的、紅色的、有白色立體金粉的,比老師發給大家的還更大更華麗... 我可得意了,一個人得到那麼多卡片~

偶爾想起那天的事情,心滿意足的感覺還能夠實實在在地填滿我的心...

另外一個我記得的聖誕節,也是在我還小的時候,媽媽開車載我們一起去買個生日蛋糕,我記得我們選了個的ice cream cake,蛋糕外表我完全沒印象...但是我還記得蛋糕店櫥窗裡面有外表是毛茸茸小狗的蛋糕,有黃的有粉紅的有白的...那些狗真的很精緻很可愛,我記得我有向媽媽建議說要狗狗蛋糕,但媽媽說ice cream cake比較好吃之類的吧...我想她也是隨便哄哄我們,還是選自己想要的吧,哈哈~ 反正那天晚上,我們一起為爸爸慶祝生日,大家一起吃ice cream cake。我那時候不高,沒看到蛋糕被切的樣子...我只記得自己得到的那一塊其是四四方方的... 不過蛋糕就這樣吧,不管什麼形狀最後切一切分一分就只能長個四四方方的樣子了。

自我和我妹會塗鴉,就有樣學樣開始學姐姐畫生日卡給爸爸...說是卡片,其實多半都只是對折再對折的圖畫紙。常常都是畫幾個人手牽手在一起,然後背景有太陽有線條陸地之類的... 記得有一次25號的早上,我們一起跑到房間把爸爸吵起床,跟他說生日快樂然後送他卡片。我還記得我爸拿過卡片後隨便看了一下就說謝謝謝謝,放在電視機那裡就可以... 雖然說我還小,但是我那個時候就知道爸爸在敷衍了,我想小孩子對情感是很敏銳的,但大人怎麼會知道呢? 後來卡片就一直放在電視機上,我想爸爸再也沒看過吧,之後又過了好幾天還是好幾個禮拜吧,有天爸爸接到一通電話,急需要紙和筆抄錄電話號碼,就隨手拿了我們的卡片背面來抄錄電話... 後來卡片當然沒有被好好保存,偶然風吹跌落在地上,撿了幾次就累了,放著放著灰塵多了,也不知道是被誰扔了...

我也記得有一次聖誕節前夕,我媽一直來檢查我們是否睡了,幫我買關燈關門硬是要我們睡覺...不過我們幾個小鬼頭哪有那麼容易入睡呢,過不久就听到爸爸媽媽出門去晚點又回來的聲音...現在回推時間,如果購物中心10點就關了,我媽極有可能8點就催我們睡了! 隔天早上我們一如既往的去吵爸爸媽媽起床,看到房間地上擺著3份禮物... 我就一直問說,你們昨天出去買的啊?爸爸一直說,是聖誕老公公送的... 對話不斷重複,我一直說爸爸騙人,爸爸一直說是聖誕老公公...說也奇怪,我從小就知道沒有聖誕老公公,不知道是不是因為有姐姐的緣故,反正我們家人也沒有在過西方的節日,看到聖誕老公公的電影,心裡就知道是騙人的... 那年的禮物好像還蠻實用的,都是開學要用的書包或筆盒之類的... 本來也是要買的,就只是換了個時間和形式給我們... 我想我爸媽都是務實的人吧~

後來,漸漸長大後...爸爸很忙,聖誕節在家裡的日子屈指可數...我們也都自動預設爸爸生日時候不會在家了...而我後來也知道,幼稚園爸爸帶給我的卡片,不過是別人寄到他公司給他的聖誕賀卡...就這樣不知道在幾歲的時候,所以家庭和樂融融美好的夢就破滅了...

接著我上了中學,生活的中心漸漸偏向朋友和課業,真正在家呆著的日子或許只有週末半天吧...爸爸也在外坡工作,一個月間個幾次面算是常態。畢業後又出國上大學,一轉眼已經不在家很多很多年了... 對聖誕節的記憶,已經變成和朋友交換禮物,商場裡面華麗的聖誕樹,和餐廳裡的聖誕大餐...對爸爸的生日,僅僅剩下了通訊軟體裡面的一句生日快樂,又或者貼圖...

昨天又是聖誕節。聽媽媽說爸爸一整天都坐在家裡,看電視看了一天,想必是要家人陪伴吧...媽媽打電話給我們幾個孩子,要我們跟他說生日快樂...但是我們卻協議不說,說是要表態,讓爸爸知道我們對他的外遇的不滿...妹妹甚至說,讓他寂寞一年吧,他讓我們寂寞多少年了呢...

其實我很難過,一個家怎麼就變成這樣了... 想到他們的婚姻,想到媽媽和我們過得這些日子,爸媽為錢吵架的那些日子,有時候在家大家一起無所事事的那些日子,我們和爸爸聯合陣線說媽媽壞話的那些日子,每次想到這些回憶,眼淚就不受控制的流下來了...

我好想家,一個和樂融融的家,一個下午大家坐下來一起玩大富翁的家...但是都回不去了...

Sunday, 13 May 2012

The major political difficulties of Malaysia and Thailand


From 19th centuries, Southeast Asia become a place where European competing for their power. The sea provided an access for them to consolidate their power in Southeast Asia. Portugal, Holland, Spain, England, France, Germany and United States made conquests by the helps of sea power and naval technology. At the late 19th century, the whole Southeast Asia except for Thailand felt the immense impact of foreign colonization and dominance.

The World War II provided a huge change in Southeast Asia. As the War was finally over, European countries wish to control over their former colonies. However, circumstances had change because the European colonial have been shattered at World War II. As consequences, the colonies in Southeast Asia began to seek for independence and become the 11 countries in Southeast Asia,

Indonesia and Vietnam was the first countries to get independence and East Timor as the last country to get its own independence in 2002. Until today, among the 11 Southeast Asia countries, only Singapore and Brunei become a highly develop country. The others didn’t acquire a stable and wealthy maturation in political development. In this article, I will mainly discuss the major political problem in Malaysia and Thailand as two example that represent the major political problem of Southeast Asia.

The most evident problem of the political problem in Southeast Asia is the metamorphism of the government political system. After independence, many countries in Southeast Asia countries have built their government system according to the western democratic system. However, the political system which built in Southeast Asia countries is distinct from those systems in Western. For example, Philippines, Indonesia, Myanmar and Thailand used to have military coup and military dictatorship; while Malaysia and Singapore has problem of one-party dominance. The National Front in Malaysia and People’s Action Party in Singapore had been ruling the country for many years.

The first major political problem of Thailand is the instability of the democratic politics. Thailand is the first country who practices democratic politics among Southeast Asia countries; however, the stability and maturity of the politics in Thailand is much weaker than Indonesia, Philippines or Malaysia.
Since the political reform of the absolute monarchy in 1932, Thailand had experienced 20 military coups. Sulak Sivaraksa, a Thai social activism said that, “In Thailand, an unsuccessful coup d’état is like a reelection, a successful one is like a general election.”

The Royal Thai Armed Forces is always possess leading position in the Thailand coup d’états even it is against the democratic process. In fact, the Thai intellectual, political party, even their leader tolerate with the program of coup d’état without accused them openly. During the 2006 Thai military Coup, the United Front for Democracy Against Dictatorship (UDD) was formed to oppose the military government. The UDD also accused the PAD for supporting the coup. Despite the UDD is oppose the political violence of military coup, until today, there isn’t a party which have ability to block the startup of military coup.

Even during the electoral government, the political parties can not last long because of the democratic system weakening. The political parties in Thailand continue facing the vicious circle of reestablishment and collapse. Although Thailand has western parliamentary democracy system, but in reality, the parliamentary system is quite distant from a mature western democracy political system.

In the case of Malaysia, the major political problem can be attribute to the transformed political system, a system used to be democratic but eventually become authority of bureaucracy.

Malaysia is a federal constitutional elective monarchy. The system of government is closely modeled according to Westminster parliamentary system, British colonial rule. However, in 1974, Tun Razak made some change to the political institution. He first brings forward an idea of a political party alliance, the National Front, as a coalition of three major and great political parties. Since then, the uneven distribution of power and authority become a serious problem in Malaysia politics.

Unfortunately, the imbalance of the political system gets worst after Dr. Mahathir Mohamad had been promoted to Prime Minister of Malaysia. In 1969, the 13 May incident, when Mahathir was a politician, he criticize Tunku Abdul Rahman, the Prime Minister because of the overly concession to Malaysian Chinese. Mahathir is a leader who totally practices dictatorship in his government operation. The famous political controversy in Malaysia, the “Anwar Ibrahim sodomy trials” is believed as a political purge from Mahathir.
The strongman politics of Mahathir has led to the serious problem of one-party dominance. Since his 22 years of holding the Prime Minister post, the National Front had winning five consecutive general elections. And his accumulation of power had led to the independence of the judiciary. He also deploys the Internal Security Act to detain activist and non-mainstream religious figures and political opponents.

The second major political problem of the Southeast Asia country is the diversification of cultural. Some countries has its own traditional factors and cultural while some countries have racial problem. Those background problems had led to the uneven distribution of authorities and power.

In Thailand, the traditional culture had interfered the Thai politics, either in psychologically or culturally. In Thai traditional culture and social hierarchy, every social relation is classified into level and status. The concept of equality is not highly spread in Thai people’s mind. The hierarchical relationships with the privileges due to the uneven distribution of social resources lead to the serious divide of rich-poor divide. The rich-poor differentiation then contributes to further strengthen hierarchical relationships.

Today, we can still see the impact of hierarchy in Thai social life. Thai people pay full respect to the Royal families, and this phenomena is less observed in other constitutional monarchy governments. The royal family’s news always appear on the front-page of newspaper, the media often published message of “insulting royal families” charges and sentences, which is also very rare in today’s world.

The royal family of Thailand has prominent position, they are widely respected by Thai people, Rich Thai people can also get royal nobility by donate to the royal. In rural areas, traditional local authority still maintain control power over the region, they also use improper way to obtain wealth.

In Malaysia, it’s a completely different story. The uneven distribution of authority and power is mainly cause by the multi-racial of Malaysia. In Malaysia, nationalism is often confused with racialism and it’s frequently used by some leader to against the minority in country. These led to the decline of cohesiveness, thus cause the people in country lack of unified thinking.

This is very evident when the political base of Malaysia is an “Alliance of Malay, Chinese and Indian”. The National Front which mentioned earlier is a coalition of three ethnic political parties, which include United Malays National Organization (UMNO) for Malay, Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA) for Malaysian Chinese, and Malaysian Indian Congress (MIC) for India. The National Front support racial harmony and they serve Malay as first priority. Until today, Malaysia government is mainly ruling by Malays. Although Malaysia didn’t have serious racial problem among the people, but the racial issues is always bring up by some politician.

As conclusion, before Southeast Asia countries gain their independence, they used to be rule by strong colonial government. Therefore, when they get their own independence, they cannot build a efficient government and political system. The military and one-party dominance problems are widely appeared in Southeast Asia countries. This kind of political violence had led to the uneven distribution of power. Thus, the political system which established according to western country then transform into a Southeast Asian authorities.

Besides, the representative democracy is too weak when it is incorporate with racial and social hierarchical problems. The political and social-cultural different in countries is still a topic that cannot be ignored. Only when the government pays more attention to human right and democratization, then these problems can be resolved,

However, the year 2011 seemed to have some of the biggest political developments in Southeast Asia countries. Thailand continued to move closer to worsening political infighting, Singapore had its most competitive election, Myanmar seemed ready for real democratic change, and Malaysia had the most massive street demonstration.

513有感——公民意識的崛起


今天對我而言,不單是媽媽節那麼簡單...有沒有人記得,43年前,一次流血事件改寫了馬來西亞的歷史?

2007年,柯嘉遜引用英國解密文件提出了對513事件的詮釋,我們才終於知道這起被官方謊稱為“種族暴動”的悲劇,不過是馬哈迪幕後操控的一場政變陰謀。(用“一場”是因為馬哈迪還主導其他政治陰謀)

只因馬哈迪想要推翻國父東姑15年的政治生涯,一場原本能夠被控制的騷亂竟然演變成長達好幾個月的戒嚴...在動盪期間,馬哈迪敦拉薩做了多少改變馬來西亞的事情?其中包括20年的新經濟政策,提議聯合參選鞏固政治勢力,組成了國民陣線,也埋下了貪污腐敗的禍根...事到如今,回顧過去發生的事情,還有馬哈迪之後的“鐵人政權”,惟有在心裡暗嘆馬哈迪的“狠”...

政治是實現或一個人理念的最佳途徑——他們為了鞏固自己的地位而激烈地競爭,他們用盡智慧和能力,通過各種手段,為的就是坐上那個位置,達到最終的目的。即使一開始擁有很好的理念,在實踐的過程中卻難免會墜入政治大環境的處事框架。只談偉大理念的政治、不為個人私利的政治,恕我直言,這太美好也太不可能了...

政治的黑暗是必然的,然而越是發現政治的黑暗面,就讓越多人對政治怯步。但是,若民眾選擇將自己從這些事情中完全抽離,無疑地卻是最糟糕的決定。政治系統的缺陷在於太多手段太多陰謀——政治人物有可能為了達到目的而不擇手段,手段玩一玩就忘了一開始的理念還有初衷;而善良單純的政治人物,很容易在這個競爭中被刷掉——這就說明了政治永遠都不可能單純。

雖然如此,我認為我們也無需過度灰心,因為有一個(且唯一)的途徑,一定能夠制衡這個缺陷——那就是民間力量、公民意識的抬頭!從最近的428集會及反Lynas集會,我們可以看到不少中產階級漸漸的產生了公民意識;即使沒有勇氣走上街頭,至少也知道要關心國家時事。

然而美中不足的是,民間運動目前還無法與反對黨完全脫離合作關係。除了讓不少人懷疑集會背後是否有什麼政治勢力在操控外,也讓集會的訴求被模糊了焦點。無可否認地,社會中還是存在典型的搞不清楚狀況的人——他們對現況感到不滿意,只有一股“反”勁,但是卻不知道自己反的是什麼。於是,他們很輕易的與同樣是“反”的反對黨為伍,幾乎所有與反對相關的活動都可以看到他們的身影,慢慢的就演變成一種普遍的“反”情緒;當然他們自己肯定不清楚,支持某個政黨和反對政府根本就是不相干的事。現在想想,428集會會被有說成是“革命”的集會,其實也不是沒有原因可循的。

回顧513事件,絕不是為了激起大家的情緒,而是希望大家看清事態發展的順序。今天的政府貪污腐敗,制度及權利失衡,甚至人民發聲還遭受到政府的介入,這些問題並不是偶然發生的,而是過去的小缺點沒法及時搶救所累積下來的大坑...

目前,我們清楚的是,馬來西亞公民普遍對政治及國家議題都缺乏深入理解。國內也缺乏完全沒有政治立場的中立人士來分析這些課題。以至於很容易被有心人士(比如土權組織)的極端言論煽動,破壞種族間的和諧。而對於這些煽動性及目的性的言論,政府一貫保持縱容的心態,甚至炒作這些議題挑起事端,企圖製造仇恨,實在可恥!

因此,惟有建立一個有效且脫離任何政治立場的公民力量,才能夠讓政府以正面的態度去面對人民的訴求,解決人民的需求。惟有建立這一個有效的公民力量,人民才能夠免於被政治陰謀耍的團團轉,成為他們手下的棋子。

一直到今天,每次大選以前,國陣從不忘以513事件恐嚇人民,要大家阻止歷史重演...而我只想問一個問題,聰明的人民,我們還要繼續被政治人物愚弄嗎?

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

生活...

這幾個月的生活,有了很突然的轉折點...
發生了不少預料外的事情...才突然發現,自己其實沒那麼懂自己...

anyway...還是要簡單交待,我過的還蠻愉快的...
除了熬夜準備考試的時候、還有千辛萬苦翹掉實驗的時候...
其他的時間,我都過的不錯...
最近做了不少不少的蠢事情...那種感覺似曾相似...
我想大家都謹慎了很多...顧慮的事情也變得複雜...
但是我們依然在複雜中追尋屬於我們的簡單...

4月是很多好朋友和重要的朋友生日的月份...
對於友誼,我想我不用多說什麼...
我們還是一貫的保有那一段默契就好...

至於新朋友,
請原諒我懶惰再重新花時間交待自己的事情...
但至少你們擁有我這一段時間的共同回憶...
這樣也很美好吧...


Saturday, 28 January 2012

我21歲

進入21歲的第三個小時,我回想了許多許多
心裡百般滋味  參雜

不免心想,原來我也是會活到這個年齡的...
還記得自己很小的時候,總覺得21歲是多麼遙遠的事情...
10幾歲的時候,總是覺得自己離不開1字輩...
真正邁入2字輩的第二年,卻開始感慨時間的匆匆...

這21個年頭,我學了很多
曾經很沉靜,曾經很爽快
曾經很瘋狂、很年輕;也曾經很老成、很小心
但是大多數關於人事物的事情就是在18到20這幾年學會的
學會不依賴朋友,學會失去,學會沉澱,學會自己一個人生活,學會度過寂寞

好好照顧自己,真的不容易
但是,我會好好對自己負責的

Saturday, 19 November 2011

那些年

認真看過了非常流行的《那些年,我們一起追的女孩》
頗有感觸...

第一個感觸就是錯過遺憾吧...
再次讓我暸解到時間點的重要性...
有對的人不夠,還要有對的時間點...
或者這時候不對的人,搞不好過不久就變成對的人了...
我說,世間本來就沒有絕對的事情...

第二點就是珍惜不完美
對於這種錯過的無奈...
只能用一種回味的心境去看...
每一次回味,感覺都是非常奇妙的...
因為這種回味是一種心境上的成長
回頭看自己以前的不完美,就會從心底油然而生,相信以後會更完美
是一種知道自己變得更好的感覺

人生中就是不斷的錯過...
但仔細想想,其實也不必太傷感

Friday, 30 September 2011

回憶

回憶了一下過去的信件等等...
發現自己曾經擁有的幸福,是非常難能可貴的...

我想,那種單純的感覺和想法
直率和坦白的話
在以後以後,都很難再遇到了...

擁有一顆不顧一切去愛別人的心,是非常美好的一件事情...
年紀越大,越是不能保證,下一個戀人會不會是你要付出全心全意的對象...
也許我們都會保留一點,也許會有一些不滿和比較
但我們都應該會學著包容和適應

過去的爭執和吵鬧,在我眼裡看來,都非常地珍貴
因為它們都是真的,是真心的

年輕的我們,天真地以為最親愛的人必須要為我們付出全部,像自己付出全部一樣
擁有的時候,我們心懷感激,以為這就是愛情;失去的時候,我們理所當然的大吵...
無疑,那是最幼稚,最兩極化,卻也最真心的我們...


Sunday, 25 September 2011

莫名的傷感

已經不知道是第幾次,我又感到莫名的傷感了
卻找不到源頭
也許只是剛剛聽了一首傷心的情歌吧     也許

每到一個新的環境,就會感到徬徨,茫然...
這是我第一次,在一個熟悉的環境裡面,感到那麼的陌生...

這個地方,這裡的人事物
始終沒有辦法給我想要歸宿感...

哪怕是一個人,一個地方
我找不到回來的理由...
卻也找不到留在外面的理由...

難道,這就是所謂的孤獨嗎?

Sunday, 18 September 2011

天空

天空讓人心曠神怡
感謝我來到了一個可以看到天空的地方

我記得有一次去朋友家的時候
朋友跟我說,他早上的時候看到了很美很美的天空...
他說天空很乾淨,很藍很藍...又適時的夾雜著幾朵雲...
我說,我知道啦,我也看過... 他說,你一定不知道我講的天空是哪一種天空...
我無語,默默在腦中用想像來體悟他的天空

但是
他怎麼知道我想的和他想的是不一樣的呢?

天空有百萬種姿態,有空的也有佈滿雲層的...
我尤其喜歡傍晚時分的火燒雲...紅色橘色紫色粉色的雲...
望著那些彩色的軟綿綿的雲,
都可以輕易地讓我覺得,今天非常幸福!

Monday, 15 August 2011

方塊字

我從來沒有把中文當成單純用來溝通的語言,因為這個語言,尤其是它的文字,在我眼裡看來,是有故事的。

我記得而在過去的中學,華文作文有一個很盛行的題目叫做“華人為甚麼要學華語?”我已經記不起老師要我們寫些什麽,但是在我印象中華文這個東西總是和歷史及文化的傳承脫不開關係

華文是祖先傳承給我們非常珍貴的寶藏。這個方塊字的一筆一劃,橫、豎、撇、捺都很講究。而且最神奇的是,這方塊字並不是完全用象形,或是指事方法造的。爲了彌補象形指事的不足,利用會意和形聲法,讓今天的我們寫漢子時可以拆成好幾個基本結構。另一方面,爲了防止字體永無止盡的創造下去,才使用了假借和專注法。在這4種造字法裏面,尤其讓我我最欣賞最喜歡的是指事法。我認為指事法非常有深度,每次看懂一個字所指的意思都會讓人感到非常的有成就感,為我們老祖宗的智慧深感欽佩。

過去,我對華文有著非常深的情愫。我喜歡看文章,也著迷地看詩看散文。我非常喜歡文字所表達的意境,所表達的那種唯美。不需要太多的背景說明,只需要短短幾個簡單的詞。也不需要太花俏太難寫的字,用平凡的文字更能寫到心坎,更容易觸動人心。

然而今天,我來到這個自稱傳承中華文化精髓的台灣島。這裡的人,不如馬來西亞的華人那般的喜歡文化和歷史傳統。華文對他們來說就只是一個從小到大用來溝通的語文。他們或許學習過古文,也學習過古詩新詩。但他們絕不可能在課堂上看過來自中華人民共和國的任何文章。我認為,這些課堂上的學習並沒有讓他們愛上了這個他們要說一輩子的華文,也沒有讓他們對這個充滿智慧的文字著迷。或許真有那少許部份的人,念了中文系,做了一些國學研究。或許他們在那個過程中才慢慢喜歡這些方方塊塊的字。

我後來才明白,我對華文的熱忱,其實也只是爲了定位自己的身份。這個問題是很哲學卻也很現實的。就如大部份人說的,人一生都在尋找何謂自我,對過去的事情及正在發生的事情推敲出自我的定義。我想,要不是華文教育曾經被打壓,我也不會由心底產生一股要保護華文的力量。大部份聽過華教故事的人,會感動,會更熱愛自己的母語,會為能夠自由地說出母語而感到驕傲。但今天我發現,我們過去那麼重視的華教議題,在這個地方看起來是那麼微不足道。大部份的人甚至不知道馬來西亞還有一群會說中文的華僑子孫。發現這個事實讓我感到自己的渺小,和無力。

是不是得不到的東西,才更為人所愛呢?若今天政府要讓全國的華人都可以在良好的環境好好學習中文,那馬來西亞的國人,會不會漸漸地自我放棄了中文,而走向向英文看齊的新加坡的那條路?